Back to Bite Ya
by 177624601
Summary: The crew of Serenity finds themselves a job and a chef. Plus, Zoe has a secret. How come these things never go smooth? Rated for language. Enjoy!
1. Just Business

The night on Bernadette was cold and dark. Stellan Bendis, a squat, fireplug of a man gazed ruefully out at the sky from the window, his son not too far off, quietly keeping a safe distance. He knew better than to interrupt his "dear ole dad" when he got like this. "Ten years. Ten years ago tonight my boy was taken from me." He said as a tear rolled down his cheek. There would have been more, but his farmer's lifestyle and soldier's background (he would have gone career, had his knee not been torn up during his first tour of duty) told him to keep them in check. "Why couldn't you be more like your brother?" He took another swig of Ng Ka Pei.

"Because I don't like fighting. You know that."

"You're a _jing-(chang) mei yong duh _(1) wimp, that's why! At least your brother died fighting."

"Eric ran into some bad people and wound up paying for it! I loved my brother as much as anyone, but he made some dog-dumb decisions. If it weren't for Capt. Reynolds, we wouldn't even know what'd happened to him." The kid dove out of the way as the brandy bottle hit the wall behind him.

"Don't talk 'bout your brother that way. An' 'at so-called 'Captain's' a bumblebee. Man laid down arms instead a' goin' down fightin'. If Eric had been in his position, why he'd a' sent them purplebellies runnin'."

"The Cap' had his other browncoats to think about, too. Not just Eric."

"I don't care 'bout the other soldiers! Eric was a man, which is more'n I can say for the capn' and for you. You with your high-falutin' 'novels'." He expounded, placing great emphasis on the last word. "Think your better 'an everybody else, just 'cause you like your fancy stories. Guy steals a loaf a' bread, he don't become a-a governor or whatever he became. Yeah, I can read, too, doesn't mean I'mo be king someday. All you're ever gonna be is a farmer. Hey, get back here when I'm talkin' to ya!" he bellowed as his son wordlessly rose to his feet and headed for bed.

Peter Bendis was only twenty-seven standard years old, but he looked more like he was in his mid-thirties, owing to the harsh climate and the fact that he split the work with his father. His father hated the planet. In fact, it was just about the only thing he had in common with his old man. They hated that it had been named post-Unification war by an Alliance hero, hated that it was the only planet they could afford to live on without resorting to dishonest work, what with the cost of fuel being what it is; hated the climate, just hated the rock in general. He loved his dad, and he knew his dad loved him (when he wasn't stone drunk, which was actually not that often). He also knew that deep down, Eric had been the favorite son, and that no matter how hard he tried, he would never live up to Eric's legacy, at least in Stellan's eyes. If only there was someway I could get that stupid captain, he thought to himself, then dad could see me for the man I am. Then an idea dawned on him.

Meanwhile, on Persephone, a scrawny rat of a man in a white tank top and a very fine bowler hat sat in his office. "Afternoon, Badger." Said a voice from the door.

Looking up, Badger replied, "Cap'n Reyno'ds. Been waitin' fo' ya."

"Got a job for us?" Malcolm asked, flanked by Jayne and Zoe.

"That I do. The missus'll explain it all." He replied in his heavy Dyton colony accent.

"'The missus?' You mean there's a woman who's actually willing (or lonely enough) to be with you?"

"I mean," Said Badger, a cocky smile spread generously from ear to waxy ear. "Michelle!" he called out. Mal and the rest exchanged worried, knowing glances as they got a good look at the woman. She was a redhead. She was striking. She was Saffron.

Translations

1. Consistently useless


	2. Trouble Brewin'

"So my least favorite person is married to my… other least favorite person." Mal stated, surprised.

"You two've met?"

"Twice. The last time, she also had a job for us. Almost didn't go so well."

"The job's good, Mal." She stated. "I promise."

"Uh-huh. Anyway, as much as I'd love to stick around, I think I'll go throw myself into a pit of live snakes. Would the happy couple care to join me?"

"Honey, could you leave us for a minute?" She asked Badger.

"Of course. I trust you, dear." He replied, looking pointedly at Mal.

"That makes one of us." Mal added.

As soon as Badger had gone, Saffron turned to Mal. "Alright, let's go."

"What? Go where?"

"The job, you _sagwa _(1)."

"How 'bout we," he gestured to his companions, "go and you stay. I know it doesn't smell as nice as the place Inara left you, but could be worse… I think." With that, the trio turned and left.

Meanwhile, a thickly accented voice called out, "Alright, I'm in bed. I'm also naked, handcuffed, and blindfolded. In other words, I'm ready. You comin', hon'?"

"I think that must'a been the smartest thing you ever done, Mal." Said Jayne as they headed back to the ship.

"As much as the idea scares me, sir, I agree with him." Zoe added. Turning to Jayne, she asked, "Wait a minute, you can think?"

"Me, I have to wonder the tale she told Badger." Mal stated. "Or why she thought him useful. Nice driving, you _shee-niou_(2) idiot!" He added as a hovercraft sped past them.

"Me, I'm still tryin' to wrap my brain 'round the idea of her marryin' him."

"That's 'cause you wrapping your brain around anything is like trying to wrap a hankie around an engine." Zoe coldly replied.

Settling in the pilot's chair, Mal eased his beloved off the dirt and into the black. "Well, looks like you've got no choice now." Came a voice from the room just below the bridge.

"How'd you get on?" Mal asked as Saffron made her way up the stairs.

"Simple: everyone _not_ visiting hubbie and I were elsewhere, so I just let myself in."

"Ok, supposin' that's true and lipstick wasn't involved. How'd you know where to find us?"

"Who else flies a ship this ugly?"

"Ugly, but dependable."

Fiddling with a plastic stegosaurus, she sweetly said, "Anyhow, now that I'm on the ship, we can talk about that job."

"Oh, you mean the job that, since this is you I'm talking to, probably doesn't exist?"

"C'mon, Mal, I need this." She stated, sidling up to him and caressing his cheek.

"If you need it so bad, why us? Why not get it yourself?"

"Because I had the knowledge, but not the means. So I married Badger until I found someone that did. Besides, I can be very… useful." She said with a sultry wink.

"Last time you tried that, I fell asleep. I believe you did the same with Inara."

"Ok, so we're tabling the sex idea for now. I can do other things. Remember the time I made that dinner for you?"

"The one that you forgot to put the cyanide in?"

"Ha, ha, ha. Anyway, I need this job, Mal." She added, going for the gusto by fluttering her eyelashes.

"Alright, you can be our chef for now. Now for the ground rules: 1) you will make meals for the entire crew. 2) You will be under constant supervision when on duty. 3) When off duty, you will be locked in your cabin. 4) You will only be allowed to stay on until we hit planetside, unless you turn on us, when 5) you will be packing your bags slightly sooner. Agreed?"

"I, well, uhm… Ok, agreed."

Hitting the intercom, Mal asked, "Jayne will you come to the bridge? Oh, and uh, this is gonna sound weird, but no weapons."

A few minutes later, the man-ape-gone-wrong thing thundered in. "Alright, cap' whaddya- You!" He roared as he saw the seductress."

"She's with us for the moment. You are to watch her at all times during the day."

"You trust me to do that?"

"I trust you as far as I can throw you. However I know that you'll do it because you're cut'll be twice your usual." Seeing Jayne attempting to add, he kept on. "That means you'll get more. Now, will you kindly escort the, for lack of a better word, 'lady' to her quarters?"

"Sure thing, cap'. Uh, which quarters?"

"The bunk nearest the galley should do."

"Just one more thing: does it have to be done kindly?"

Meanwhile, down in the infirmary, Zoe was just pulling her pants back on when Kaylee walked in on her, Simon standing well back cleaning off some of his equipment. "What's going on?" The engineer asked, having noticed Zoe's actions.

"Kaylee! What's up?" The surprised young man blurted out.

"You tell me! I came looking for you, and here you are coupling with her! And Zoe, what would Wash say, were he still alive?"

"It's not what it looks like. If you'll just…" Simon didn't have time to finish that thought.

"I don't wanna hear about it." With that, Kaylee stormed out of the room, struggling to hold back tears.

"Kaylee, wait!" Simon called out.

Holding the young doctor back, Zoe sweetly stated, "I'll go talk to her. This calls for some girl time."

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A/N: Don't worry, Simon really wasn't cheating on Kaylee.

Translations:

1. Idiot

2. Cow dung


	3. Flight of the Butterflies

A/N: There's a "Better Days" spoiler in this chapter, for those of you familiar with the comics.

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"Honey, men can be scum." Inara said condolingly, embracing Kaylee as they sat on her bed. "It's a known fact."

"How," Kaylee stifled a sob. "How can you say that? You service them."

"_Most _of the time. Anyhow, remember Atherton Wing?"

"Was he the guy Mal hit?"

"Yes. Anyhow, are you sure about what you saw?"

"Well, Yes… I mean, kinda. She _was_ hikin' her pants up."

"Kaylee?" Came Zoe's voice from the cargo hold. "Kaylee, hon, where are you?"

"I'm in Inara's shuttle."

"Look Kaylee, I'm sorry you saw what you think you saw, but the fact is that… well, I've been having some 'woman problems' that only Simon could handle."

"You mean like," Kaylee made the hand gesture for vomiting.

"Something like that."

"Butterflies." The three all turned their heads in the direction of the voice. River was sitting Indian style on the upper landing right outside of Inara's hatch. Looking at her feet, she went on. "Nine little butterflies all heading right for the net, but only two see it. A few volunteer to go, so some of the others follow, but they don't notice the net until it's too late." Looking up she added, "There's more people in here than there seems to be."

Mal's voice came over the intercom: "This is the Captain; I'm calling an emergency meeting in the galley. Anyone who doesn't like unpleasant surprises in your breakfast cereal will want to attend."

Mal looked up from the head of the table as the rest of the crew filed in. "Captain, is something the matter?" Simon queried.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Kaylee also wondered.

"What's goin' on is that we landed on a bug, or rather, a bug landed on us."

"Sir, what are you talking about?" Zoe asked.

"Saffron."

"I thought we'd dealt with her." Kaylee piped up

"We did, thanks in no small part to Inara."

"So how'd she get back to us?"

"More important is why you let her on the ruttin' ship in the first place." Jayne demanded.

"It's a yo-yo." Stated River dreamily as she made up-and-down movements with her hand. "Throw it away, it comes right back."

"Uh-huh," Mal bemusedly replied. "Anyway, she let _herself_ on. Fuel ain't cheap, so we ain't turnin' 'round. 'Stead, we're gonna leave her on the next rock possible. 'Til then, we've got ourselves a new chef."

"You trust her not to poison our food?" Zoe queried.

"I trust our food not to be poisonous. 'Sides, Jayne and I worked up a system."

"Did you check her?"

"Uh… Jayne? Did _you_ check her?"

"Nope. Wouldn't let me."

"Ok. In that case, Doc, when we're done here, I got a job for you."

"Back to the "dumpin'-her-off thing: can't we just let her off now?"

"No. We'll leave her off at some settlement, let some sheriff or summat deal with her."

"What if she breaks out between here and there?" Pondered Zoe.

"Fat chance. Even if she does, it's a small ship. 'Sides... system."

"Well, I can't see any faults with this plan." She sarcastically replied, her face and voice as deadpan as could be.

The next morning, Jayne, Saffron, and Vera, were all occupying the galley. "Cap' says you're s'posed to be makin' breakfast right 'bout now."

"I am. For myself." She cracked some eggs over a pan.

"I think the cap' meant otherwise."

"I can only imagine the headache you must be having." She quipped as she retrieved seven clay bowls, a box of cereal, and a gallon of milk. With all the grace of a Higgins' Moon mudder, she made their breakfast. She tipped her eggs onto her plate. Leaving rest of the dishes where they lay, she sachet-ed over, sliding his bowl across the table to him. Eyeing Vera, she added, "Mighty big gun. You know what they say about guys with mighty big guns."

"Yeah, well, I ain't one of those guys."

Running her index finger around the tip of the barrel, she stated, "I can tell." Continuing her little walk, she knelt behind him, her chest to his back. "I'm wondering, what's a big, strong man like you doin' on a little bitty boat like this?" By now she was caressing his chest. "A giant hunk of a man like you deserves his own cruiser, people obeying his commands, companions fulfilling his _every_ desire." She added as, her first hand on his chest, she cradled his cheek, pulling his lips closer to her own. Just as their lips were about to make contact, he suddenly pulled away.

"Money wasn't good enough. Was once, but something happened to it."

Disappointed in her failed ploy, she decided to change her tack. "You know, Mal's got some street smarts, but not that many. You, however, I bet there's been many a time when you've come up with a great plan."

"One time, we was workin' for that Niska guy, an' Mal an' Wash, our pilot, got 'emselves cornered. Anyhow…"

"Niska? Wow. I can only imagine what that must have been like. I'm getting pumped just thinking about it. Sounds almost as exciting as that work I got lined up ."

"Go on."


	4. Midnight

"She's locked up, Cap." Jayne stated as he plodded into the bridge after finishing his nightly rounds. "By the way, we was talkin' yesterday, and she got to mentionin' the job. It's solid, Mal. She's got proof an' everything." He pulled out a miniscule disc about the size of a half dollar.

Mal snatched the disc. "Okay, I'll bite. Tomorrow, you bring her up here, and I'll show you it's fake."

As Mal dozed in his bunk, Zoe lay wide awake in hers which, until just under a month ago, she had shared with her husband of five years. Now the bunk seemed exceptionally large.

Zoe had never needed a man. All her life, she had been an independent spirit. That's what happened when you were born on a freighter in transit (her own mother had never even been outside the ship). She was accustomed to living with vagabonds, roughhousing with the boys her age and older, and feeling the hum of the engines beneath her feet. It was this longing to be free, this hatred of restriction, that caused her to fight for independence. By extension, it's also what caused her to meet the first man she ever truly felt a connection with.

She didn't love Malcolm Reynolds. Sure, she found him attractive, and he was a kindred spirit, but she didn't love him. There just wasn't any _there_ there. Wash, on the other hand, was funny, friendly, and fearless. Most men eventually backed down if they disagreed with her. Not Wash. It was this fearlessness that caused her to realize her feelings for him. She never hated him, in fact he actually intrigued her, even though she was still put off by his moustache, which was the largest one she'd seen since Col. Obrin. However, moustache or no, she loved him.

The two couldn't have been more alike. Neither one was afraid to stand up for (or to) the other, they were both endlessly loyal, and their favorite sight was clouds and blue skies giving way within seconds to an ocean of stars. She even came to view her old leather necklace as a symbol of their marriage in that it had survived all manner of rough times with a minimum of damage.

Zoe was anything but a housewife, and Wash loved it. Sure, there were times when he wouldn't mind a fresh meal from her, but given the choice between Zoe and a wife who cooked, cleaned, and was basically a slave, Zoe won hands down. Why? Personality. He loved that Zoe had spunk. He loved that she was a tomboy and took him for who he was, dinosaurs and all. Did he get jealous of the relationship between her and the captain? A little, but it wasn't for lack of trust. He knew that Zoe would never do that to him, likewise with the captain.

Wash's death had saddened her, but she didn't shed many tears. Not because she didn't love him, nor was it because she was putting up a façade, but because her life both pre- and post- UW had left her incredibly thick-skinned. In her heart, she'd always carry a torch for her Leaf-on-the-Wind. A grin spreading a cross her face, the thought comforted her enough to allow her to finally sleep.


	5. The Net

"We're not hijacking a ship." stated Mal as he saw the image on the screen.

"It's Alliance." Saffron replied

"It's an armored ship, which means it'll have weapons, too. Serenity ain't got much of the former and none of the latter."

"Weapons shouldn't be much of a problem: it's derelict."

"What happened to it?" queried Jayne. "Reavers?"

"A freak asteroid shower knocked out their life support."

"And I was hoping for some action." He added, unconvincingly.

"You got coordinates?" Mal asked, still not entirely convinced.

"You wanted to see us, Cap.?" Kaylee asked as the crew entered the mess, once "Serenity" had reached her destination.

"I do. Got a job for us. According to Saffron, we're gonna hijack a derelict armored ship, so we gotta expect some gunplay."

"Why we doin' this, sir?" inquired Zoe from her seat. "For fun?"

"Big payoff. Ship's got 'bout twenty million cred. on board. The usual team, plus Saffron, will come with me. The rest stays put. Kaylee, you know the ship better than anyone else: think you can fly her?"

"Easy as spittin'."

"Good. Now…"

"Actually, sir, I've been feeling under the weather, so I'm gonna have to take a rain check on this one." Zoe stated.

"What? Zoe, I remember you had damplung at the Battle of Sturges, and you still went in both guns blazing. Now you wanna bench yourself just 'cause of a cold?"

"It's not a cold, sir." Simon chimed in. "She's not unhealthy, but I must insist that she stay behind."

"Can I get a second opinion?'

"You have one sir." Zoe remarked. "Mine."

"Fine, but I'll probably need as many hands as possible. Doc, is Zoe in any condition to fly the ship?"

"Professionally, I'd say that's a negative."

"What about you?"

"If it's anything like the simulator program I had as a kid."

"If you can fly this, I guess Kaylee'll be the extra help."

Worried, Kaylee, chimed in. "Cap., I don't thi…"

"Don't worry, Kaylee, it's probably a milk run. Now that everything's settled, everyone joinin' me, suit up."

The ship was solidly built. Basically, it looked as though a ship about the size of an Alliance cruiser had been compressed down to the size of a Firefly-class transport. The ship was completely streamline, not one rivet or weld visible. To better protect itself against pirates and the like, her design was invisible to radar. So dark was the ship that "Serenity" picked up her distress signal before the crew even saw her.

"How we getting' the money?" Mal asked. "Ain't no cargo bay doors."

"Armored ships don't have 'em." Saffron replied. "The cash gets carted out one of the side airlocks. That way, no one comes in who isn't let in."

"Like us." Kaylee added.

"True, but we have something those pirates didn't: access codes."

"Think you can access them?" Mal asked.

"Hacked into this ship easy enough."

"Please tell me you mean post-Triumph."

Back in her dorm, River woke up. Looking with her eyes, she saw the sun streaming through her door momentarily before a very large cloud passed in front of it. She followed the trail of breadcrumbs down the wooded path, past the infirmary to the mouth of the cave. Maybe she'd go in, find that stick she'd found before. But the breadcrumbs led up the hill, the path itself going into a rocky forest. She followed them, past a series of smaller caves that she'd been in before. The reaction was always the same: keep off the grass. So she kept on the path, the sky getting darker by the second, and the ground getting rockier by the inch. Climbing over one particularly large rock she saw a precocious child laughing mercilessly as she netted the butterflies. Meanwhile, somewhere in the distance, a storm was growing.


	6. The Prize

Mal was suiting up when a voice behind him objected. "I heard about the job," Inara stated. "Are you sure it's such a good idea?"

"Do you mean the job, or the fact that it's her who brought it to us?"

"Either."

"Look, I trust her as much as you do, which is why we ain't goin' in there unarmed. Regardin' the job, times're tough all around, and the new administration ain't helping. We take the jobs we can get."

"So you endanger the lives of the crew?"

"What?"

"Triumph, the Lassiter, the bank vault, remember those?"

"So our jobs can get a little knotted. The crew knows that. Why d'you think I brought Jayne on, as a decorator?"

"It's not Jayne I'm worried about."

"Well then, who are you worried about? Me? 'Cause if that's the case, don't. I can look after my own skin just fine, thanks."

"Life support's workin', Cap. " Kaylee announced as the airlock door closed.

"Then let's get out of these suits."

"Why?" Jayne asked, a certain Callahan rifle aimed at Saffron.

"Too bulky. Might be we need to move fast." Once the crew had removed the fairly non-maneuverable suits, Saffron led them down the corridor to the cargo hold. What the crew saw there stunned even them.

"It's empty. Knew we shouldn't'a trusted that _jien-hwo _(1)." Jayne stated as he started warming up Vera.

As soon as Jayne said that, the crew's attentions were drawn to the sound of several other guns being loaded from the corridor they'd just come out of. "Actually, it's quite full of my prize." Came a voice from behind them.

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1. Cheap floozy


	7. The End Or the Beginning?

The crew spun on their heels.

"Where's that _shiong tse sha sho _(1) second-in-command a' yours?"

"Do I know you?" Mal asked, pistol at the ready.

"You stole my kin from me!" the young man bellowed.

"D'you mean Tracey? Yea high, brown hair, stole people's organs?"

"Wha-? No, Eric!?"

"You don't mean Eric Bendis, do you?"

"Yes, you puddle of _shiong mao niao _(2)! Eric was always pop's favorite, but now that he's gone, I've had to put up with his constant disappointment in me! Do you know what that's like, putting up with that _gos-se _(3) for ten years?"

Mal turned to Saffron and asked, "Please tell me I was wrong to mistrust you and that this wasn't part of your plan."

"I could say that, but I'd be lying." she responded.

"Never stopped you before."

Not having heard the previous discussion, Peter continued. "Well, I'm sick of it, and the only way for me to end it is to bring you to him either alive or dead. Your choice."

"How 'bout neither." Mal whipped out his pistol as Jayne cocked Vera, Kaylee doing likewise with Zoe's Mare's leg. Violence ensued. Peter and his posse of ten were more than a match for Mal's crew.

"Jayne," Mal shouted as he ducked behind a crate, "you bring any grenades?"

"Just a couple a' Griswolds!" Popping up behind his own crate, he took aim and fired. "Wishin' I'd a' brought summin' bigger!"

"They'll do!" Jayne tossed one right into the torso of one of their assailants. The result wasn't pretty.

"Cap', duck!" Kaylee yelled. Taking aim and screwing up all her courage, she fired. Didn't kill the assailant, but it did give him a nasty shoulder wound. Unfortunately for her, the kickback, coupled with the fact that she shot someone, left the poor girl too stunned to notice an enemy's Griswold make contact with the wall next to her, a piece of shrapnel lodging in her arm.

"Kaylee!" Mal yelled as he and Jayne rushed to her side. "You hang in there, _mei-mei _(4), you got that?"

"Aye-aye, Cap'." she groaned.

"The offer's still good for the next, oh, five seconds, Mal." Peter stated, holding a gun to the captain's head. Mal spun, grabbing Jayne's dagger in the process, which he jammed into Peter's right thigh, causing him to land like a sack of bricks.

"Offer denied."

With no small amount of effort, Peter pulled himself upwards. Placing himself between Mal and the others, he took aim. Mal would have dropped, but at the last minute, Saffron snuck up behind him and placed him in a full nelson, only letting go when he hit her on the head with the butt of his pistol. Dazed, she bolted. Mal soon followed, all the while trading bullets with Peter who brought up the rear.

Meanwhile, back on Serenity, River was dancing around the galley. In the middle of a particularly elegant pirouette, she noticed one of the cans. Then the sun came out. But it wasn't the yellow one, all warm and friendly. This one was cold and icy, its eight tentacles reaching out for her, the silent cries of a planetful of citizens following them. River ran. Hiding, she saw them. The fairy clothes. "Get dressed in them and you can fly." So she did, binding herself head to foot. Looking upwards, she noticed a rabbit hole.

Closing the hole behind her, she took flight, following the cries of those who needed help. When she reached her destination, she saw five naughty children trying to play an odd version of tag using sticks and apples with a pair of her friends. The ones who had managed to play with her friends hadn't lain down. Soon, the ones still standing saw her and decided to play with her instead. She picked up a stick and pointed it at one of the bullies. He didn't lay down, either, nor any of the others afterwards.

Once she had tagged all the bullies, she went looking for the others who were crying. She found a boy who was trying to catch a butterfly with long, brown wings, and a snake. Reaching out with her hand, she touched the butterfly, which promptly fell to the ground. Laughing, she prodded the snake in the stomach with her stick, which she also used to poke the boy in the head. The boy didn't lay down, but the snake slithered away.

"_Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo _(5)! What happened here?" Jayne asked as he lumbered in.

"We played tag."

Mal woke in a daze in the all-too-familiar infirmary. "What happened?" he asked, groggy.

"River and Jayne brought you two back."

"The kid who started that whole _fahng-tzong fung-kwong duh jeh _(6)?"

"Dead." Jayne stated.

"And Saffron?"

"Dunno. Prob'ly crawled off to die somewhere, more'n like."

"Well, Captain, I'd say you're good to go." Simon piped in, helping Mal off the counter-turned-bed before returning to work on Kaylee's arm.

That evening, as Mal sat behind the helm, he heard the dull thunk of combat boots. "They're beautiful, aren't they sir?" she asked, gazing out to the stars.

"Given the choice, I'd rather have a woman, but okay."

"Sometimes, I just wanna sit here and gaze at them forever."

"Right. You remember Eric Bendis?"

"Mm-hmm. Nice kid."

"Not so with his brother."

"Poor kid was cut down in the prime of his life. Eric, I mean. Funny thing, life. You just never know what's gonna happen. Just look at the shepherd, or… Well, you know."

"You okay, Zoe? I'm not used to seeing you so doe-eyed."

"Must be the pregnancy."

"Mm. Wait, what?"

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1. Brutal assassin

2. Panda urine

3. Crap

4. Little sister

5. All the planets in space flushed into my butt.

6. A knot of self-indulgent lunacy


End file.
